Magic Eight Ball Life Coaching

eight ball

It can be so difficult to figure out which way we should do things.  Career, family, financial investments, hobbies, retirement…

I never knew there could be such a simple answer to all of it though.  The Magic Eight Ball!  We can take thinking and decision-making out of the picture!  We can trip through life never stopping to think at all! (But the “Make life easier” kind, not the “become publisher for Twilight series” kind.)

So let’s throw caution to the wind, and employ the magical, wonderful, clairvoyant powers of the floating blue triangle!  But where to start?  Hmm. Well, there’s always my career.   We can start there!

So, Magic Eight Ball, you know I’ve been looking for that promotion.  What do you think?  Will it happen this year?

“Outlook not so good.”

Darn.  Well, I know it can’t be that far off.  How about the next year after that?

“Reply Hazy, ask again.”

Okay… I’ll try again. So, the promotion.  2014?

“My sources say no.”

Damn it!  what about 2015?

“Outlook not so good.”

We’re off to a depressing start.  Can you tell me if I’m EVER going to get that promotion?

“Cannot predict now.”

Oh, forget it.  Maybe I should just change careers then.

“Most likely.”

To what though?  Sales?

“Very doubtful.”

Uh… project management?

“My reply is no.”

You’re not being helpful. I may as well say elementary school janitor.


Perhaps this is the wrong area to be asking you in.  I know!  how about financial planning?  Yes, that’s the ticket.  So that stock I bought.  How’s it going to do?  Good long-term investment?

“Reply hazy, try again.”

Oh, come on.  You must have SOME idea.  Is it going to make me a bunch of money?

“Outlook not so good.”

Dang!  My broker said that those shares would do well.  So, should I sell them?

“It is certain.”

and buy something else?

“As I see it, yes.”

Ok, I’ve sold it.  But what should I buy now instead?

“Concentrate and ask again.”

Right, right. Yes and no questions only. um…. Apple?

“Ask again later.”

No, no, I only have so much time to buy before the trading day is over.  I stand to lose a bundle.  How about Samsung?

“Better not tell you now.”

Hey! Listen! I’ve got next to no time left! Stop being difficult and give me some help.  What’s this stock code here… NAS?  Oh! that must be NASA Advanced Supercomputing. I hear there’s going to be a LOT of action there when they restart some space programs. How about that? Buy it?

“Without a doubt”

Ok, done!  Wait.  WAIT!  that’s not NASA, that’s NASCAR!


Is this some kind of joke?

“You may rely on it.”

Oh, you stupid chunk of plastic, you just cost me a ton of money.  I’ll have to work longer before retirement now!

“Most likely.”

That wasn’t very nice.


I should just throw you across the room.

“My reply is no.”

This may be the dumbest thing I’ve ever done, but…

“Without a doubt.”

Hey, I wasn’t done.  I was going to say, since we’ve come this far, I should ask a few more questions.  I have other goals and dreams you know.

“Concentrate and ask again.”

That wasn’t even a question!

“Most likely.”

Ugh!  Let’s just get through this.  So, I was thinking about writing a novel.  How do you think I’ll do?  Bestseller?

“My reply is no.”

uh… Kindle published?

“My reply is no.”

self published?

“My reply is no.”

is that all you can say?

“My reply is no.”

You aren’t very smart are you?

“My reply is no.”

Gotcha! Ha! Clearly I’m too clever for you.

“Very doubtful.”

Fine, fine. Forget it.  So no novel. Shoot.  How about short stories at least?  Surely I can get people to buy some of those.

“Don’t count on it.”

So cruel.  Not even “freshly pressed?”

“Ha, not in your wildest dreams.”

Wait. I don’t remember that being an eight ball response option…

“Er… I mean “My reply is no.”

Oh, forget it.  You’re not going to help me there either.  How about my dream to conquer my fear of heights?

“Cannot predict now.”

Ok…. becoming a world-class Chef?

“My sources say no.”

What, no new skills?  Just the same old same old for the rest of my life?

“Signs point to yes.”

I’ve lost my patience. It’s clear you’re not really out to help me at all! One last thing to try.  How about my plans to lose weight?  Will I lose the 70 pounds I need to lose?

“Very doubtful.”

Ok… fine.  But I know I can lose some.  how about 60?

“Don’t count on it.”

50? 40?

“Outlook not so good.”

you might be the biggest jerk of an inanimate object with magic powers out there.

“Cannot predict now.”

that’s it, I’m done with you.  If what YOU say is true, I’ll be fat, broke, and mopping floors.

“It is decidedly so.”

That wasn’t a question!

“Reply hazy, try again.”

Oh, shut up.

“Concentrate and ask again.”

You asked for it.

“My sources say…”


3 responses to “Magic Eight Ball Life Coaching

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